There are several reasons to use a gag during play – it is a sign of submission, it can focus the senses on other parts of the body, and it increase the feeling of vulnerability. Gags can be fun for both the person wearing (the bottom) and the top. However, there are few points to remember when using this type of toy.
Safety – As always this is first. Gags cut off verbal communication. Before administering a gag, have your partner (the gag wearer) try it out to make sure it fits comfortably, and to make sure the person wearing the gag does not have any adverse reaction to wearing it. Jaws can be sensitive parts of the body and gags are not for everyone. For instance, I cannot wear normal sized ball gags because it hurts my jaw – instead I use smaller version or a bit gag.
Next, have an alternate way to communicate with your partner ideas include a squeak toy or something that jingles lie keys – in case you need to slow the scene down or stop it.
A gag should never be worn for more than twenty minutes or so if you have never worn a gag before. Again, this is due to the jaw, which can tire or lock up. This doesn’t mean you have to stop the scene after twenty minutes, just let your gag-wearer know that you will take it off a certain amount of time. Of course, if the gag wearer starts to feel pain before then, just use your alternate communication to ask the top to remove it sooner. Either way, new users might feel some soreness, but unless it is unbearable or sharp pain, it should be fine.
Next, you will drool. The larger the gag, the more you will drool. Just accept it, prepare for it.
Last is the biggie – breathing. Never use a gag if your bottom has allergies or a cold, or any breathing issues (sorry, asthma sufferers – gags are strongly NOT recommended for you). Also be aware that excitement changes the breathing patterns, and since the gag is interrupting that rhythm, be aware that hyperventilation or panic may set in quickly. If this happens, stop the scene, get the person comfortable and concentrate on taking deep breaths. Stop using gags for that evening and try again. If it happens again your choices are to move to a smaller gag or stop using altogether.
Now let’s talk about the types of gags –
Ball Gags – the most popular, they come in varying sizes, with the ball inserted in your partner’s mouth. Be aware they are rough on the jaw. Aside from size, make sure you get the ball in a material that can’t be bitten off (choking hazard), but make sure it is not too hard as to be rough on the teeth (dental care is expensive y’all). On the fun side, you can add other things to these types of gags, dildos, shoes, etc. Read product reviews, they are your best friend, I promise. If you think you can observe all of these safety rules, then the ball gag can be fun and let’s face it, it’s hot to see someone in it.
Homemade Gag – We’ve all seen them on our favorite police show, a piece of fabric tied around someone’s head with the fabric in their mouth. This is cheap and easy, and if you have a dedicated play partner, a fast way to fashion a gag. Here are the safety concerns – make sure no part of the gag can be swallowed, make sure it is clean, make sure the knot can be untied easily and when tying it around your partner’s head don’t tangle their hair in the knot (this might have happened a time or ten to me). Homemade isn’t my favorite, but I know several men who bottom who love women’s underwear stuffed in their mouth and tied with a gag. As always be careful of choking. If you are administering ANY gag, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure your partner is breathing normally.
Bit Gag – This is one of my faves, mainly because it doesn’t tire out my jaw and allows me to breathe easily. Be wary of those with a metal bit (I would never wear one, again, dental care is expensive), they can chip teeth. If you are using bit gags for pony play, be gentle with any tugging, you don’t want chafe the skin around the mouth or cause any injuries. I recommend bits made of hard plastic or a well stitched leather. There is less drooling with the bit gag and they often don’t have interchangeable toys, but it gets the job done.
O-Ring (there is variation of this gag, called the spider gag – it’s even more advanced than this one, but the same concept applies) – This is a special type of gag that should only be used on experienced gag wearers. The ring is metal circle that goes behind the teeth to keep the mouth open. These are often used if fellatio is going to be performed. Let’s not mince words, this is extreme. It’s also extremely hot. These gags are expensive, and that’s OK, because you want one that is well made. They only come in metal, so AGAIN (guys, I’ve got to repeat this) be careful of the teeth.
There are other types of gags as well, but I can’t cover them all here. However, always read instructions when using a gag and read reviews. Know what you’re buying. Here is great chart from Boyfriend and Ex-Boyfriend BDSM Gallery.
Here is quick rundown of how to use a gag.
- Get consent to use a gag.
- Pick a gag that works for your partner, but do not put it on yet.
- Coordinate alternate safewords, or a visible cue for communication.
- Put the gag in by inserting the gag gently (NEVER FORCE) first, then strapping behind the head.
- Check with your partner on how they feel, tighten or loosen as necessary
- Have kinky fun!
- Undo the strap, then remove the gag from the mouth gently.
- Ask your partner to move their jaw and take a deep breath.
- Repeat next time.
That’s it for us!
Keep talking the taboos!