Sometimes when Ms.Pomegranate and I are teaching adult sex education classes, people will ask us what kink has to do with traditional sex ed. This question is especially relevant to people who don’t consider themselves kinky. After all, not everyone aspires to be a bondage rigger, dominant or submissive. It’s completely fine if someone doesn’t consider themselves kinky, however education offers a lot to anyone who identifies as sex positive, or wants to increase their sexual knowledge. In honor of #AdultSexEdMonth, here are five reasons that lessons from kink should be included in adult sex education.
Kink Education Encourages Adult Sex Education
A lot of people don’t focus on the concept of sex education geared towards adults. Largely, how society views sex education in general is to blame. For many of us, the only formal sex education we ever received was the limited sex ed classes we took back in high school. Unfortunately, these classes were often skewered with incomplete or wrong information which didn’t really enlighten anyone (Most of us groaned our way through those sex ed films we watched). The rest of our sex education journey is usually cobbled together. A talk from our parents. Awkward questions we posed to our doctor. Advice from friends or the internet. Or our own sexual trial and error, where we try our best to “get it right”.
Kink and BDSM is beneficial because it encourages people to learn more about sex. Many people who consider themselves kinky are also nerds, who love to geek out while learning something new. Kink is largely about gaining knowledge, this is evident when someone looks at kinky conventions and events. Often, there are more classes then parties.
Kink is part of the larger sex positive discourse, which encourages adults to learn more about their sexual lives. When it comes to sex, there’s always something to learn or improve upon. The more people learn about sex, relationships and sexual health, the better. It’s perfectly fine if someone doesn’t want to learn about kink. However, anyone that wants to learn more about sex can benefit by borrowing from kinky sex geekery and it’s simple message that even for adults, there is still a lot to learn when it comes to sex.
Kink Stresses Consent
Consent is at the center of everything that is done in kink. Consent, is one of the first things people are taught when they enter the world of BDSM, how to grant and receive informed consent. Any adult sex education worth merit must include knowledge about consent. Traditionally, sex education hasn’t always taught consent as a part of the curriculum, this absolutely needs to change. Consent has to be at the center of any discussion regarding adult sex education. We should be talking about what consent mean and how to ask for it. We should know what informed consent is and how to respectfully receive hearing no. Most importantly, we should all be educated on recognizing consent violations and signs of abuse. If sex education carries over anything from kink, it’s the idea of how important consent is.
Kink Encourages Communication
Next to consent, communication is also an important concept in the kink world. When kinky people negotiate, they are actively communicating with their partner. Learning about sex isn’t enough, people also need to communicate their desire, needs and concerns. Open, honest communication improves every aspect of the sexual experience. In the kink world, communication is necessary to create, safe and satisfying experiences. By incorporating a better understanding of communication into adult sex education, people will have the tools they need to implement what they learn about sex.
Savy sex educators can advocate a kink centric approach to communication. In the kink world, asking how your partner is feeling isn’t just small talk. Instead, it’s an opportunity to facilitate real, actual communication. Take a look at kinky safe words and gestures based on stoplights, for example. Green is a cue that you’re pleasing your partner and things are good. Yellow, a sign of caution or an indication to check in. Red, a definitive moment to honor your partner’s consent by stopping whatever you’re doing. No, kink doesn’t have all the answers when it comes to communication. But it does stress how important communication is, which is a prime lesson that good sex educators must deliver to their students.
Kink Introduces Diversity
Harken back to those early sex ed classes you may have had. More than likely, the education focused on monogamous, heteronormative relationships and penetrative sex. This type of education leaves a lot of people, genders, identities and methods of sex excluded. There is a saying in kink, “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok”. Once again, the kink world isn’t a magical place devoid of issues like prejudice or misunderstanding. But when the kink world gets it right, it can be a world of amazing diversity. It’s a wonderful site to see hedonists, queers, bondage riggers Daddies, littles sacred whores and more all come together, but more importantly find a space and community to belong. The process of learning about sex education can also help people realize (and hopefully) find a place to belong.
Kink Reminds People That Sex Should Be Fun
Some people shy away from adult sex education because they fear it’s going to be boring, tedious or won’t teach them anything practical. Coincidentally, the world of kink is full of educational opportunities that break the mold of stodgy, impractical education. Kinks stresses practical learning, teaching people how to have safer, sexier, more fulfilling sex lives. If sex educators approach their curriculum with a sense a practicality, adult students will look at sex ed differently. Because people will realize that all the education is about defining and empowering not only your personal sexual lives, but those of your partners and community at large. The fact that increased sexual intelligence can lead to hot, amazing moments of pleasure and connection is an added bonus.
Hopefully, we’ve convinced as to how kink can add to your sexual education. Practice consent, embrace discovery and keep talking the taboos!